12 - A New Do

what do all these ladies have in common that i want, short hair!

11 Bridesmaid

with 2008 slowly coming around the bend i find myself preparing already for next years summer weddings. i've been fortunate enough to have booked a wedding shoot next summer and am going to be standing for a dear friend as her bridesmaid in another wedding. already so many ideas are running around in my head, i should seriously become a wedding planner! haha.

all this wedding planning and wedding prep makes me want to re-live my day once again. when people say, you only live it once so do it right, now i understand where that saying comes from. but that's ok, ed promises me a "renew the vows" day where i can plan and orchestrate another beautiful event where i can be center of attention all over again.

we're moving out next week.
things are slowing starting to look up although we still have a long road ahead of us. i took on another project last week and will be starting our korean marketing project next week. i find that during hard times, keeping ones self busy is key!

image by: this blog is found, one of my favorite wedding photographers blog!

10 Girl Fight

MMA, Mixed Martial Arts is blowing up here in North America. What used to be only recognized in Japan and European countries is now uniting forces here in North America and the fight bug has definitely gone around.

Just a year ago you'd be hard pressed to find an MMA gym in Toronto but now, they're a dime a dozen. Seems like every Martial Arts gym has incorporated some sort of MMA training into their programs.

I've been a fan before Dana White bought out the UFC. I've been a fan before UFC fights where shown on cable. I remember if we wanted to watch a fight after training we would have to go to a house with a big black box and play around with the antennas for a while on the roof. But yes, we did this and we did this a lot! Now, ESPN even shows clips of fights - it's gone mainstream.

One thing I love seeing now a days is the increase in female fighters and female fight shows promoted. I've always wanted to get into fighting myself but never got around to it... until now that is.

My husband and I are joining a gym and we're going to start training MMA & Brazilian JiJitsu. I'm so excited I can't even contain myself. And if you think only manly girls fight ... think again. Some of the greatest female fighters you'd never be able to tell walking down the street. Take for example Kyra Gracie from the famous Gracie Camp.



It's about time Canada had a girl fighter to call their own and I plan on being our "it" girl.

9 Prayer

Pastor James MacDonald is one of my favorite pastor's. His passion, his will and desire to serve is unlike I have ever seen but above all things he is a man who is unapologetic for his beliefs which is something I admire.
I was on his blog this morning, like many mornings when I came across this prayer.

"Here's a prayer I pray in some way almost every single day. When I don't, I wish I had. Pray with me today . . . "

Ephesians 5:18, Be filled with the Spirit.

Lord, fill me with Your Spirit today. I can't fix yesterday, and tomorrow seems a long way off.
Today, Lord: Cleanse my heart from the fleshly residue of yesterday's fallen humanity.
Today, Lord: Scrub my thoughts and motives till they shine with singularity - wanting Your glory alone.
Today, Lord: Wash me and I will be whiter than snow, purposed afresh to follow Your footsteps.

Lord, fill me with Your Spirit today. The tasks ahead are too much. If I must go alone, I cannot go at all.
Today, Lord: I'm not smart enough to know what is best, and not strong enough to choose what is righteous.
Today, Lord: My wife, my family, my friends, my church . . . I am not sufficient for these things, and I know it.
Today, Lord: Or what unfolds in the hours ahead will fade into the abyss of worthless, wasted time.

Lord, fill me with Your Spirit right now. Come, make these 24 hours all You created them to be.
Now, Lord: You know how to 'give good gifts' and I am so thankful to be called Your child.
Now, Lord: By faith, I receive the Presence You've promised, and delight to know that Your Word is true.
Now, Lord: You are filling my life with peace and purpose and freeing my soul to sing.

Galatians 5:16, 22, Walk then in the Spirit, and you will not fulfill the desires of your flesh. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and self control.

What a powerful and humbling prayer.
As of today, this will become my prayer.

8 New Rides

september will be our last month in our place. we're moving out. a bitter sweet feeling but i've been trying to look at things through positive eyes. this means a new beginning, a new start so a whole new way of looking at things and experiencing things.

one of which, we're looking into getting a new car. well, a used car but new for us i suppose. as much as i love and can appreciate the beauty of an automobile, i really know nothing about them. my husband on the other hand is a car fanatic and has been doing all the research for us. i realize ultimately it will be his decision as to what car we end up getting but i have my eye of a few wheels ... let's just hope we find a happy medium.

7 I Do.. Again

yesterday we went to a wedding which was held at the same church where we got married, officiated by the same pastor, held many of the same guests ... it was almost as if we were re-living our wedding day through the eyes our guests. a surreal feeling to say the least.

things have been hard to swallow and time is slowly allowing us to think rationally about things that airn't so rational or easy to explain. we're almost through the month of august and although our drama is still quite fresh and new to our lives we have been strong and are trugging through the dirt ... most importantly together.

yesterday was a reminder for me as to why i married this man and how much i really do love him. he's a good man. a great husband. and above all my best friend.

6 Where Do I Go From Here?

images off esty painter joseph blake

you always hear it, read it, see it ... "live your life to the fulliest because you never know what will happen next". we take so many things for granted all the time. simple things like not telling your loved ones how much you love them, not spending enough quality time together, not paying attention to friends and family because you know there will always be tomorrow and the cycle goes. this week i experienced that in a second your whole world can change in the most tramatizing way and although i realize my life will never be the same again i know i have to go on.

without going into detail for the next month my husband and i will be faced to deal with some serious challenges in our relationship, with our families, and with ourselves.

i feel so lost. and so alone and days which were full of hope and happiness seem so distant now, when only earlier this week we were planning our next vacation, our 1 year anniversary, our future... now we struggle to pull through a day.

it's been 3 days.
at times i want to cry, laugh, scream, be silent, and sometimes all at once. i don't know who to trust anymore, my life feels so empty, i feel empty. i know when my husband embraces me and spends time with me he's really just with a shell of who i really am. an empty shell of what i used to be. i wonder if i'll ever feel safe again and i know he feels it to, but hopeful and patiently he waits... after all, that's all he can really do.

today i woke up and my heart was racing. i felt tears in my eyes but did not want to cry. i'm so tired of crying so tired of being angry and fearing the worst is yet to come. one thing i don't understand ... how could this happen to me, why did this happen to us but more importantly, how do we deal to look past it.