I'm not Bashing, but I needed a Rant

Okay.  I've finally had time to get over most of my frustration and resentment that I was harboring from a particular incident....

I had been hired to work for a summer camp this last summer.  I arrived at the beginning of June, and I was beyond excited to have been hired as a wrangler.  This meant that I would be working with horses, kids, and all in God's name. So basically, I was super stoked.

However, things didn't pan out.  Not even close.  When I arrived, the other two girls and the one guy wrangler had already been there for weeks.  I was immediately the outsider.  They wouldn't wait for me at meal times when they went to make the half-mile walk to the dining hall, and they wouldn't even take the ten minutes to walk me through the chores that needed to be done on a daily basis. Which was part of my JOB.  Seriously? No I DON'T own a horse, but YES I have worked with them before, more than you think! I'm sorry that I wasn't part of your little "club" of horse experts.  I am a quick learner.  I can even drag myself out of bed early, but when you say "no worries, we'll do it today. Again." you aren't letting me do the thing I was hired to do.

That all happened before camps even started.  For the first camp, I was asked to be a counselor.  I was more than happy to oblige, as part of working for this particular organization involves being flexible.  Sadly, I had a fever on the last night of that camp and had to leave my cabin of girls and sleep in the nurse's station.  That's where my little nightmare took shape.  After a few nights in there, I was suddenly approached and told "you can't be sleeping in there" even though I had been told to.  So I got out, walked up to my cabin (that I had been told to sleep in now) and found nobody there, even though I was told that a bunch of people would be sleeping in there.  That is just a personal little thing for me.  Tell me I wouldn't be alone, and then it turns out that was wrong, and I would either end up alone or end up dragging my stuff down the hill, all by myself, to sleep somewhere else.  I, of course, ended up doing the latter.  I was in tears by this point.  I was slowly dragging my suitcase and a bunch of other junk across the field, being passed by PLENTY of people who didn't offer to help or even ask if I was okay.  Anyway, I ended up in the hallway between the rooms where all the other female staffers were sleeping.  I was literally standing in the hallway bawling my eyes out at 11:00 at night.  One of our WONDERFUL ladies approached me and offered me a spot in her room, as she had an extra bunk.  That was a little blessing and I just cried on her shoulder.

Fast forward a few days.  I was hacking up a lung for those few days before the crying, and I had finally gone to the doctor and returned with a diagnosis of bronchial pneumonia and a bunch of medications.  Not much fun.  So I was sick, sad, lonely, and not even allowed to move back the barn to be a wrangler.  You know, the JOB I WAS HIRED FOR.  Frustrating, to say the least.  I ended up being told I could take a week off, get rested up, and heal.  I still wasn't feeling better after that, and I needed to go back to the doctor for a breathing treatment and some other stuff. I felt a little better, but the doctor said I needed to take 3 days off.  In that 3 days, things went WAAAAY downhill.  I was approached by the camp director and told that the head wrangler had assumed I had more horse experience than I did, and that she didn't know I wasn't going to be able to do the work that I was hired for.  Funny thing about that is that I had told her my EXACT amount of experience and was completely honest during my interview.  I was moved to a different job that I never got the chance to do because....

The next day I was asked to leave camp to "heal" because camp is "not an infirmary" even though I was in no way contagious, I had no family reasonably close to come get me or to stay with, and I was basically better except for being a little out of breath during running games.  He tried to impose on another girl who was voluntarily going home sick to let me stay with their family, and he awkwardly put me on the spot when he dragged me out there to ask her as she was LITERALLY getting in her car to leave.  My great aunt (who lives about 4 hours away) ended up coming to get me, and I stayed with her for a few weeks until I got to come stay with my in-laws while I waited for H to get here.  Needless to say, I was pushed around, ignored, chastised for things I didn't do, and asked to leave despite only needing 3 days off per DOCTOR'S ORDERS.  They forced me to make my family go out of their way to take care of a problem that even I hadn't caused, and as a last little stab in the back, when I went to get a few things that had been left in the wranglers' sleeping quarters, I found it all shoved in a corner, moved without my permission so a newly arrived wrangler could have my bed and my space, even though I had not been asked to leave until AFTER she moved in.  I also wish I had been invited to the camp staff reunion, but apparently because I only worked there for a little under a month, I don't count as somebody who worked there.  Ouch

 I will never recommend this particular organization's camps or working for this place to anyone.  To my friends I met at camp who may be reading this, you all are the only thing that kept me remotely sane, and having someone to vent and cry with was a blessing.

Sorry for the long read, but I needed to type this out for my personal "therapy." I've pretty much come to terms with it, and I just needed to write about it to finish the process. To end on a happy note, here is a wedding picture :D  I will post a blog about our crazy day later, even though it has already been 6 months.... Oops :)

My Other Big Thing

I have one other thing that I have been waiting to share until I talked to my parents and H.  After praying (lots of praying!!! Tears!!) and mulling over it for a while now, I have decided that I will not be returning to college this fall.  While many assumed that I would not return after getting married anyway, that's not the whole story.  Initially, I was planning to return here to NNU in the fall to finish my next 3 years of college after getting married this summer (May 16th!).  However, I feel that God is calling me elsewhere.  I've struggled to keep my head above water since the day school started.  My grades have been mediocre, and I have not enjoyed the content.  The only thing that has brought me any joy here at school is the friends, the Jesus community, and the social events.  That's part of what college is about, but it is definitely not the only thing I should be here for.  I feel like being here is a waste of money (that I don't have) if I am not gaining anything academically.

And, on a very important note, I DO have a plan!  At some point this summer, probably while I am working at camp, H will be moving to the base where his tech school for the Air Force is located.  Once I am done working for the season, I will move in with him if he is already there.  Thank you to the Air Force for allowing a spouse to live with his/her Airman if tech school is longer than 20 weeks!  If he has not already been relocated, I will continue live with my mom and get a local job until I can move.  When I move with him, I will begin taking classes to become an EMT Basic at one of two nearby community colleges.  I am going to start out with that, and I will probably end up working to become a Paramedic after I have worked as an EMT for the right amount of time since being an EMT is not exactly an easy thing to get a job with in a lot of places, oddly enough.

I guess this can all be considered a blessing really.  It means I will have time to bond with my new husband (well... 4 months after we're married.  Darn summer job!) rather than being far away from him here in Nampa.  I will get to start my new life sooner than expected, and I will be doing something that I am passionate about! I have felt God's tug on my heart to go into emergency services for a long time, and I have tried to push Him away over it.  I've finally realized that I'm not doing this alone and that I need to listen to what He has to say.  I might finish my four-year degree at some point, but I will have to see where life takes me.  Yes, it's been a tough thing to work out.  Yes, it may come as a surprise to many.  Ultimately, I'm beyond excited and blessed to be walking into this journey.  God Bless!

Gotta throw in my random pictures :)

 These little gems are from a Biology field trip! Above: Tiger Centipede (about 5 inches long) I just think it's pretty awesome.  I like creepy crawlies.

Below: a very dead pocket gopher. On a stick.

Life Can be a Real Bummer Sometimes...

A bummer.  That's the only way I can describe things sometimes...  God works in funny ways, though. I've been so excited for my mission trip to Australia.  I bonded with my team.  I was looking forward to seeing my old youth pastor.  I was looking forward to falling in love with serving the people of Australia.

But I'm not going.  I am not able to afford it.  I scraped enough money together for the plane ticket, which needed to be paid for in February.  So I could get there, be there for a month, and then return.  However, after that first $2,000 payment, I can't pay the second and final installment of over $2,300 dollars.  I can't afford my food, housing, etc.  I'm not going.

It's still sinking in for me.  I'm upset.  I'm frustrated that I won't be getting back any of the money that I paid because those plane tickets were non-refundable.  Part of me wants to be very angry at my school that I am now unable to go because I couldn't pay them the money and there was no opportunity for a full scholarship, despite obvious financial need.  I could be upset that having an opportunity to serve God has to cost so much money out of my pocket.  But I'm not.  I'm not harboring resentments (not long-term anyway....) and I know that the school probably has a reason... I'm devastated that I won't get to have this adventure in serving God.  It's just.... A bummer.

I'm trying to keep my emotions in check.  I'm not always good at it, but I'm trying.  The one thing that is helping me keep my head up is this:  God has something else planned for my life right now.

I'm getting married on May 16th in a quaint little location known as the Bexar County Courthouse in San Antonio, Texas.  It's kind of like eloping, except that H is already down there with the Air Force.  I feel so blessed to have found an opportunity to marry the love of my life sooner than we had originally thought.

I also got a job working as an assistant horse wrangler at a Christian summer camp this summer.  I am so excited to use my passion for horses to witness to these kids, and I'm not gonna lie... I will be earning money, and that will be a little boost to life.  Not going to Australia also means that I will get to go to Washington (the camp is in Port Orchard) about a month earlier than I was originally going to.

All in all, my blessings FAR outweigh my disappointments in life.  God is good, and I can't wait to see what else is He has in store for me.

I shouldn't be allowed to have a blog...

Seriously, though.  I haven't posted since before Christmas!!! AND IT'S ALMOST APRIL! So much has happened since then... Here are a few things..

I finished up my first semester of college.  Definitely chaotic, fun, stressful.... Overall, a great life experience.  Semester two is proving to be quite interesting :)

My significant other, my best friend, my partner in crime, the love of my life (we've been together since February of 2012) asked me to the spend the rest of my life with him. I, of course, said YES!!! I could not be ANY happier!!! I've been giddy since he asked (actually... Since we started dating :), and it already feels weird when I don't have my ring on... I am so in love with him, and I am beyond excited to be able to call him my husband and spend the rest of my life with him! I know that as a military wife, things might get rough, but I'm ready for that.  I'm ready for family drama (it's arrived!) and I am so glad that his family is excited to welcome me into theirs...  To sum it all up....

OH MY GOODNESS. I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all folks.... Oh. And these...

 This is my cat, Minnie.  She would not put her tongue away until I poked it.  It was weird..

And this is my BEAUTIFUL engagement ring!!! I told H that he is good at picking out diamonds... He'll never live that down ;D

Have a good week, month, six months... Until I write again!

15, 10, 4

15: The number of days until Christmas! I have shopping to do, decorations to put up, and I can't wait to spend time with my loved ones! I love this time of year, and I REALLY look forward to Christmas Eve Service at church and the reminder of our Savior, born to us in a lowly manger in a barn.  I can't believe all that he done for me in my life and in YOUR life and in our world! Keep that in mind as you go about the hustle and bustle of this Christmas season... I know I need to.

10: The number of days until I get to see some that I have been missing for a long time.  He's always on my mind, and I'm pretty sure I'm on his a lot, too.  I pray for safe travels as he makes the trek from his home to mine.  We even get to spend Christmas and New Year's eve together for the first time! He'll be my first New Year's kiss :) This is definitely my most exciting, countdown number. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!!

4: Last, but not least, this is the number of days until our Christmas break starts! I get to be home for a MONTH! No classes, no dorm room, and my own, comfortable, cozy bed.  I get to spend time with my wonderful mommy and my kitties who miss me, (even though they might not know it yet) and I get to sleep LATE! So wonderful!

My cat.  I think she sings this every year.

I am pushing through this week of class finals and I can't wait to be done with it. I am nervous about a few of them, but not TOO nervous.  I'm diving in, headfirst. Here goes nothing!

(That's not me, but it still applies. I have literally done this outside my room this week.)

Shock and Awe

Going to a Christian university means opportunities. Opportunities to share, witness, and TRAVEL!
Travel where, you may ask? And why? I'll start with why I'm going: to share the love of Christ with people who may never have heard it and to spend time in a community that needs exactly that, our time. That's right! I'm going on a mission trip! NNU on a Mission has chosen me to go to a country that I have never thought about traveling to. Is the suspense killing you yet? Well, here goes.


                                   God willing, in the summer of 2013, I will be traveling to....

                                                                      AUSTRALIA!

I was chosen as part of a four-person (only three selected so far) team to travel to Australia for a month next year. When classes end for the semester, I will pack my bags and leave around the 24th of May, and return at the end of June.

I can't believe it. I'm shocked. I'm in AWE of how God is working in my life, and I can't wait to see what I gain from this trip.  I am not just going to teach. I am going to learn from a culture that I have never experienced before. Pray for me in my endeavors, and I will pray for God's guidance as I make many decisions.

And, because I know it's something that will be on my mind until the day I leave, if you are interested in contributing financially or in joining me in prayer as I work towards this trip, please let me know! You can email me at my newly created, contact specific email address: contactjuliahere@gmail.com (creative right? Ha!)

God bless!

Story of my Life

I always forget to blog.  I'm busy and spacey... Oh well. I'm doing it now!

Sometimes I have problems focusing.  I'm ADD (and ADHD sometimes, too!) Sometimes I get distr... Ooh look.  The clouds are looking mighty cold and snowy today.  Oh.  Right.. Sometimes I get distracted from EVERYTHING.  I can't sit through classes, chapel, homework... I just mentally wander.

Guess what though? I LOVE it that way! I am who I am.  It is what it is.  I still get things done (eventually) and God gave this to me as a GIFT to work for HIS Kingdom! I can get lots of projects done at once, and I can read about 4 books at once. It's great :D

I didn't start off loving it, and I still get frustrated with it.  God does these things for a reason.  These things that we're given are for His glory. So smile and.... Oh look at that bird!  So smile and thank him for the many things he does for us daily!